[LAUIL603] Studio Brief 2: Tutorial with Pat and Reflection

 Notes from Tutorial:

• I discussed the lack of disabled and blind artists in the creative industries and how it was difficult for me to navigate and uncover any blind artists to properly research the work of for this project.

• One such artist, John Bramblitt, came up in my search a number of times and brought up a number of flags for me. He can tell what a colour is by "feeling the paint" - one such news outlet reports. This is misleading and creates all sorts of problems for the blind community. We are not a commodity with this kind of superpower and cannot tell the colour of paints by their thickness. Either this was misquoted or John is fabricating his abilities. This is not what blindness is. While there is a heightened sense of awareness to touch sensitivity, as a means of navigating the world, we don't become a superhero like this and it is dangerous to harbour this kind of thinking. Many blind people also have a small degree of sight, whether that is light perception, colour perception, shadows. Only a tiny percentage see nothing at all.

• Blindness is rarely an issue with the eyes. Something else is happening whether it is the optic nerve or the brain. In my case, it isn't my retinal detachment that caused me to go blind but the complications surrounding it - constant high ocular pressure resulting in early glaucoma, fluid at the back of the eye, and scar tissue.

• How do blind people see colour? There are phone apps and tech devices (Google glasses, Orcam) that can detect colour and say it aloud. We ask people we trust if we are unsure of something and there are apps such as Be My Eyes where we are paired to sighted volunteers in real time. I have used it a number of times for helps with various things such as labels. Thickness of paint is misleading but John has been the first blind painter in many galleries in New York. He paints perfect representations of animals which says nothing about his experiences of blindness. He has some sight to be able to capture these shapes accurately. It's frustrating.

• Do I want my publication to educate the sighted audience reading the contents in the way I have educated Pat? Do I want to reflect on my own experiences and tell that story through text and image? COP work provides a good starting point and foundation of where the publication can go.

• Pat suggests thinking of how to implement and experiment with text. Text could turn to Braille towards the end, disappearing completely to make the audience think and engage about what that could mean for them.

Reflection and Next Steps:

I'm quite nervous at this stage to get started. I have a clear idea of what I would like to do, and that there is a gap in the field of disability for blind artists in order to do it, and on a wider scale in terms of disabled artists, but I feel a pressure to represent myself - and others - accurately and authentically. I think it is important to make a note of that. 

In my COP work, identified in the Project Proposal Slides that were presented during this tutorial, I used very low-cost materials, such as oil pastels and charcoal on paper, to work through the trauma of going blind whilst also trying to represent what I can see. Everything was done in one take and very quickly. I am keen for my final major project to be a continuation of my COP work but I would also like to push myself so I am not stuck in the same ways of creating this year. This is my final year and so I want to utilise the facilities to he best of my abilities despite the lockdown. My New Years Resolution is to paint on canvas.

There is an esteem and a class barrier that surrounds canvas painting so there is another confidence issue I need to work past.

I need to keep myself on track with producing at least two paintings per week during this brief, so that I have a wide portfolio to select from when it comes to creating the publication.

I'm feeling rather down at present. I'm feeling the Festive blues, and I'm still without my Guide Dog and finding it very difficult to engage with the course and with anything at all. Depression has a way of disconnecting you from absolutely everything and you do it without realising. I ignore emails and all messages that are sent to me and cut myself off so I can grieve and try to heal, but ultimately it creates more problems. Tami was due to come home on January 5th but the new lockdown has meant that we cannot retrain until the lockdown is lifted just to be safe. But when will that be? I find little enjoyment in anything except painting so will try to use that to my advantage as much as I possibly can.