The first brief I wanted to set myself was to paint onto canvas for the very first time and to continue this throughout the module so that I have a range of paintings to choose from for my final publication.
Coming from the Access to HE course, and experiencing a range of disciplines in one place, I had witnessed someone create their own canvas in the 3D/wood workshop and paint it for their final exhibition. I thought no more of it as that didn't align with my practice at the time - someone who wanted to create children's books and had a specific way of achieving that with digital illustration.
Now that I have reached a way of working that involves abstract expressionism, in a way to heal myself from the trauma I've been through - to create mindfully and in an accessible way - the canvas has become an intriguing option, albeit a scary one!
There is this invisible barrier around the canvas and around oils that has surrounded these materials for many, many years because of gender and class. Oils on canvas are seen as the fundamentals of Fine Art, with associations of high class and high society, the "ivory tower", and are therefor almost untouchable. It was also very much a man's tools where women weren't allowed to go. There are invisible pressures and barriers that I had to mentally work past in order to reach this point and feel like I could paint onto a canvas. While I am not using oils at this stage, partly for monetary reasons, I would like to build up to that one day. For now I am using acrylic paints though have invested in a good quality Liquitex set. I started with a cheap set of readymade canvases from Amazon - flat-backed, without a frame, and easy to be delivered in the pandemic, extremely affordable to my budget as a student and someone from a working class background, and to help me overcome any hangups about painting onto a canvas. If it doesn't work out then I haven't lost out too much and can return to working on textured paper.
I have attempted to convey two elements of blindness onto canvas - high ocular pressure in the first canvas painting and flashing lights before retinal detachment in the second canvas. It was a very strange, yet tactile, experience. Something about it was very physical, very involved... As with anything, this will take some getting used to and more practice to become second-nature and more comfortable.
What could be better? I definitely over-blended in my first canvas painting and some of the strokes and information were lost in the process. I harboured a lot of self-doubt and second guessed every move when I should just let it flow, which is understandable for a very first canvas painting, so ended up with something very naive and juvenile. In the second canvas painting, I didn't gesso the initial surface to see what would happen. I wanted to try using a palette knife for the first time - hitting lots of goals here! This resulted in a very textural painting with very rough and harsh visual language and mark-making. Ultimately, it was incredibly hard to work with as the acrylic paint didn't travel far across the canvas without grounding it first. This will be something to note in the future. Gesso is important!
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