Important notes to make:
• I haven't submitted anything for the interim submission
• I cancelled my tutorial with Matt as I have reached a terrible place and I think I'm experiencing a mental breakdown.
What are you aiming to achieve in the next three weeks before Easter?
I'm struggling quite a lot at the moment and don't foresee me completing the project in three weeks' time without having a further breakdown than I've had already. I can't get out of bed. I can't eat or clean myself. All I'm doing is existing and painting in my bed and uploading it to Instagram like some kind of reverse John and Yoko. Instead of being in hopelessly in love and at peace, I'm terribly disconnected and empty. I'm no longer living. I'm existing, rotting. I need to step away and take some time to recuperate and heal. I don't know when Tami is coming home and have reached 200 days without her.
Are there aspects of your project you can set aside now?
All of it will have to be set aside for the time being. I find healing and escapism in painting so will continue with that for now while I have the energy to do so. I am creating some of the most authentic pieces I have ever made in my agony.
What are you excited about? Where is the discovery?
It is human to create,. While withstanding difficult circumstances, we discover the most about ourselves in times of adversity. Our most basic components. Who are we when we have taken everything away? My mark making and visual language has changed over the past few paintings while I'm really struggling with isolation and with my mum not doing so well. Her suffering during the lockdown has deeply impacted me and hurt me too. I can't do anything to help her while she is mentally struggling and turning that towards herself and I have my own suffering while I'm without Tami and am so disconnected from the outside world. It's a terrible time.
What aspect of your work is lacking? Perhaps you need to make more time for crafting, process or additional research?
At this stage, a number of things are lacking and will need to be readdressed at a later time. I need more definitive artist research, publication research, a gathering of content (the painting, poetry, photography, etc) to curate and narrate.
What next?
Rest. I will need to reach out to student support for some advice and guidance with university when I feel up to it.
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