Reflecting on the previous module, the outcomes produced and my behaviours towards it, I would like to produce a set of aims for LAUIL504 to motivate me, inspire me, and provide me with a set of goals to work towards to better myself, my mental health and my output as both a student and an illustrator.
• Better time management; This is something I struggle with quite a lot and comes down to a number of factors - suffering with bad mental health and anxiety, feeling like I'm not good enough as a disabled student so constantly walking around with and harbouring a lot of self-doubt, bad body image and negative thoughts due to a number of terrible experiences in my life recently, not enjoying the studio space as it's often cold in temperature, noisy and distracting so often going home, and with taking care of a guide dog who is often displeased with said cold temperature, noise and distractions... it isn't easy!
I'm working on a number of these issues with therapy and antidepressants to tell myself I absolutely deserve to be here and deserve to be a student doing work. I plan ahead with to-do lists and can do this all I want, the fact remains that work won't get done in my studio flat either as I get distracted there and just want to depression nap. I physically need to be at uni to motivate myself to work. I have found that booking out a study room in the library helps a lot. A private room for Tami and I that is warmer, quieter and carpeted where I can work quietly and independently and motivate myself to get tasks done is such a help, and I will continue to do this as well as other workarounds this module when creating physical pieces.
• Work more in the sketchbook to produce roughs, thumbnails, and experiments; I identified rather quickly in 503 that I am more of a "do-er" and prefer just to get on the computer and start making to see what happens, building foundations of compositions that I can then refine and hone to improve what I'm trying to communicate. Taking screenshots of the process become my roughs and my thumbnails though this leaves out a whole ideas generation process. I used to be good at working in sketchbooks in Access to HE at Vernon Street, taking pride in creating these huge beasts of experimentation that I would spend months living inside, finding it hard to move out of the sketchbook a little bit in Level 4 illustration to then create physical pieces of work like test pieces. I think since my retinas detached I have lost my confidence with creating small illustrations and working in a confined space of a book; opting to print things out and stick them in instead. It feels more freeing that way. I need to find a happy middle ground though perhaps I'm critiquing myself too much and should let this happen naturally.
• More regular blogging; I really enjoy meaningful blogging and providing insights into my way of thinking and the journey through a brief from proposal to experimentation to end. I'm a very honest person in my feedback to myself, a big communicator and want to clearly convey what I am trying to say in an illustration, a train of thought, a message. My blog becomes my friend that I enjoy spending time with and very much what my sketchbook was back in Access to HE when we didn't use blogs - pouring my heart into. I fell off of this though in Studio Brief 3, About the Author, as I became quite ill with a chest infection and my seasonal depression got the best of me. I think it's quite obvious in my blog posts during SB3 that I wasn't spending enough time reflecting on what I was doing and I would like to improve on that to improve my work for this brief.
• Attend sessions regularly and let go of self-doubt; To reiterate some of what was said in better time management," my depression has been very severe recently due to a number of reasons, some of it seasonal, and bad thoughts make me not want to be in the studio and feel like I don't have a place here / don't belong. This then affects my attendance and my work. I want to ensure I am attending sessions regularly for crits, tutorials and to keep a sense of achievement for myself in keeping my mental health in check.
• Regular tutorials with tutors; Tying into attending sessions and working with better time management. I want to touch base with tutors regularly, which I didn't do too much in the last module as I had an idea of what work was required from the previous year. This module is completely new to me and i will need as much feedback, support and guidance as I can get.
• Enjoy the work you're doing and have fun with it
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