LAUIL504: Redoing this module

I am greatly displeased at the outcome of the work I've created during this module. My personal life has got in the way, along with self-isolating, and illustrating for a children's book became a huge barrier in itself as undertaking this competition brief has taught me that children's book illustration no longer aligns with my interests. It's no longer something I'm genuinely interested in, like I was in Access  to HE and Level 4, as I've greatly changed as a person by life's trauma and my mental illness. Children's book are no longer a comfort. I tried to rekindle a fire with this module that has truly burnt out.

If I was to do this module again, which I would love to do, I would choose the Secret 7 competition brief and produce a record sleeve for the Foo Fighters song that is available to illustrate for on there. Vinyl has become a great interest of mine so I have plenty of sleeves to contextualise and draw inspiration from. I would look to the Death Metal scene and the printed ephemera surrounding it, created by musicians themselves, to share with a small, niche audience.

Artist Research: Tobias Forge

"Outshitten Cunt" zine, issue 1

Tobias Forge is Ghost's frontman and "mastermind" - writing all the music, playing the instruments in the studio recordings and deciding stylistically where he wants to direct his project and how he wants everything to look from merchandise to stage shows. I've already made a post about Ghost on my PP blog and the parodying of Catholicism, but I want to look at Tobias' younger days and his connection to the Death Metal scene in Sweden where he is from.

• Like punk, death metal is a counter-culture / subculture, focusing on the rejection of religion (particularly Christianity and Catholicism), choosing to use imagery of the devil / satan, pentagrams, decrying bodies, skeletons, and foul language to provoke. Death Metal scenes are prevalent in Scandinavian countries like Norway, Finland and Sweden where the Church has a lot of power.

In his youth, Forge was a part of a number of Death metal projects including Superior and Repugnant, where he designed the logos and printed ephemera himself.

• Designing band logos: Each band is easily recognisable by a symbol, an emblem, that can easily be applied to a variety of media. It usually involves a shape or type stylised into a shape which can then be turned into a patch for fans' battle jackets where they display their favourite bands proudly. Forge designed the Ghost logo too. He tends to sketch out the idea using an ink pen before adding shapes and symbols to the lettering to define it.

 • Designing death metal zines. Aura of the hand-made, analogue, lo-fi. Cut, collaged and photocopied together. Black and white, cheap coloured paper. Quick process to produce a large quantity and reach a large audience within a scene to give contact details and band news.

 

• Zines contain record and gig reviews, information about the band and the members, news updates and contact information to reach the right people

• Tape trading and cassette design - easy to hand out at shows and build a network of connections. Lo-fi and cost effective

• How is this relevant to me and my practice? I've started to enjoy death metal, metal and the subculture surrounding it these past few years and I'm greatly interested in the ephemera created and shared with an audience. I like the element of the hand made, the crafting process, the conservation of constraints and dimensions, and see these as art pieces in themselves.

• As someone who has been letting go of the idea of perfect outcomes these past few years, the distressed and grungy visuals appeal to me ad give these pieces an element of authenticity and ownership. I'd like to create work like this in my practice.

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If I were to do Studio Brief 2 again, which I would love as I have created no outcomes during a difficult time, I would like to draw up a proposal focusing on mental health and suicide and the idea I have to creat a series of self care cards to use when you are most at risk.

• Self Care cards (creating 6 for the desired number for this brief) to use when feeling suicidal. Shuffle the deck and pick a card to help comfort you during a traumatic time.

Things that have helped me when I feel severely depressed and I can illustrate on the cards:

- Take a shower / perform a self care ritual

- Change your bedding

- Light a candle

- Listen to your favourite song / album

- Reach out to a friend or family member

- Hug your pet

I would look at what exists already in the market and whether this idea is unique. I would look at different decks of tarot cards to help me to understand applied illustration to a small square or rectangle nd how best to use the composition. 

• I would draw from my own experiences 

Personal Post

 I haven't produced as much work as I would have liked to, 'm admittedly disappointed in myself, and I want to provide a little bit of context as to what has happened to me since March when the Coronavirus started to become a bigger issue in the world and lockdown was enforced in the UK.

To start with, my grandad passed away during the exact time which brought up some terrible and traumatic things from the past for me which resulted in me reaching out to undertake counselling from university over Zoom calls. My best friend from childhood took her life not soon after and left behind her little son, and I had to take self-isolating extremely seriously as someone with severe asthma and a compromised immune system. I've worked very hard these past few years to be self-sufficient and independent with my Guide Dog and suddenly this was taken away from me. I no longer had my freedom, stuck inside the same 4 walls of my student accommodation, and could not work my dog; something which was extremely challenging at first as she was used to being so active. A lot of residents / students went home at this time to be with their families and I had nowhere to go back to. My mum is at home who had a severe stroke 2 years ago and I would become her full-time carer if I went home - no work would get done at all. I struggled to get food and medication now I wasn't going out to get it myself, with delivery slot priorities going to the elderly and not including the disabled. My eating disorder reared its ugly head and I was off my antidepressants until Shelly in Student Welfare reached out and helped me to put things in place. Motivation was extremely low and I was feeling the effects of extreme isolation from being on my own with no family or friends in Leeds. My mental health quickly deteriorated and my antidepressant dosage was increased.

During my second extension in early June, with the deadline of August 10th, I was suffering with very severe migraines that felt like ht lava being poured into my brain and eyes. On June 11th, this resulted in further loss of my sight in my left eye (all peripheral vision gone and a lot of light perception gone). Visiting A&E and an Eye Specialist didn't provide a reason as to why this had happened to me, leaving me confused, upset, and grieving for what I'd lost. It's been extremely hard to adjust to what I have left and I'm deeply unhappy that it still hasn't come back and probably never will. My grandma passed away last week on August 1st,, the wife of the grandad I lost only a few months ago, which leaves me in a state of grievance again and feeling so awful for my dad who has lost both of his parents in the space of just 3 months.

Everything has weighed so heavy on me. I'm bearing everything on my own and still trying to do my degree with less sight now than I ever have had in my life and really terrible mental health. I just want my mum back and it's not going to happen. I have no one. I have seriously considered suicide twice this past month to get away from the constant pain and loneliness I feel as I really don't see this getting better for me. 

I just wanted to share this because I know I look like a useless student but I'm truly trying my best with the very little I have.